REBIRTH OF THAT GIRL

 Rebirth of "That girl''

JOURNAL;  01

DATE;      19TH MARCH 2025

MOOD;   BORN AGAIN

I see a girl in an upset mood, trying to decipher what is going on around her surroundings. Feeling dejected with everything is going on and trying to find her inner voice in the middle of chaos. Her inner self is far away from her and her outer self is rejecting everything she is facing. But one thing is sure, she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do, or to be. It looks like there’s nothing she can do to satisfy people around her; everyone is around her, yet so far away. She sees but can’t look; she hears but can’t listen; utters, but can’t speak. A ten-year-old girl is trapped in a dark, damp pit, the meagre light offering no hope, only a sliver of despair.

 

One day, a choking sensation seized her, a painful lump in her throat that she couldn’t touch, leaving her gasping for air, unable to cry, though tears welled in her eyes. She could feel something running in her throat, wanting to come out of her, but couldn’t do anything. Subconsciously, she takes a pen and a useless exercise book and writes whatever she felt like writing to ease the pain suffocating her throat. Now tears rolled down her face, but she couldn’t understand why. She’s writing things that make little sense while images keep popping up in her head like a cinema. Still, she didn’t find relief. 

Then a day comes where her mother saw the exercise book that she wrote with a bad writing but enough to upset her mother. The mother prohibited her to never write such things again. Such things? The girl couldn’t even remember what she wrote. She was in so much pain she couldn’t care less. In the middle of asking question, she thought maybe I should write again to remember exactly what I wrote. Since her mother prohibited her writing on exercise books, she said nothing on the sand. She goes outside and starts writing slowly what she went through that day, and a wave of scenes comes back again to haunt her again with tears rolling down her cheeks, but this time she’s happily smiling. And to her surprise, she enjoys scrubbing the sand while scenarios keep playing in her head; they haunt her but she likes the chills she gets.

That girl still wonders in a space where she clearly knows what’s going on now. She has a voice and can see what she wants to see and what she’s supposed to see. She thought once she grew up, she will have freedom to let words never stuck in her throat but her expectations never saw the lights. They still linger in the darkness. She still struggles to accept reality, but somehow, she finds happiness in the sadness she once drowned in to find the freedom that she once wants even though it’s still a dream. 

That girl has seen a light after so much darkness that lingered upon her, with a lot of restrictions and reality gagging upon her, she dares to dream big and let out a voice to be heard by people who wants to hear. 

That girl is going to let the first voice, first imagination, first world building out on the of April 2025. Took her damn two years to complete the first voice. Drama? Plenty. Procrastination? A masterpiece. And the blocks? They built walls in her mind. Even though anxiety is eating her up like chewing a tasty chocolate on a rain day, she actually gets courage sometimes, and she did it. 

That girl is fortunate, definitely happy. She feels like floating on the air, but sometimes that happiness fades. Because she is still anxious, eager to make things perfect. As if she was born to never make mistakes. I see her dreaming every day, procrastinating and never wake up on time, but, hey! We should never hurry life, for it never is ours to hold. 

All I can say to That girl, just live.  

 

And here is the 5th of April Big thing of that girl. Just anxietly living in this world but managed to achieve one thing finally .... 🙄

Not official book cover .... But we'll get there. 

The countdown starts today to officially get entangled in the web of life and its funny side of my first character that i built on a whim and developed realistically while making my heart ache in my own home. 

👋